Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He? As in you personified your dick?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
