Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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