just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
