alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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