I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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