If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
