My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
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