Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
