He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
