just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
