The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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