Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize