I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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