Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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