I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize