I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
