Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
me + whiskey = a bad person
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
