I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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