yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
