True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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