and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
