I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
she peed on how many people?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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