No stitches, just platelets and will power
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
