Please, let me fuck your mom
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
