I could make wine with my vomit
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
