You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize