I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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