okay pat passed out under dana's car
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
