Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
