Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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