I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
