the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
