I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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