WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
