So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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