i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
