There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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