we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
