it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
