I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
