I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
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