he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
40s are totally the cure
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
