oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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