You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
