I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize