the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
