she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just had sex on a roof
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
