everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
