Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
