I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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