I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
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