Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
