Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize