Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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