cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
