We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
