cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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