dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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