arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
