You're my little dorito
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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