Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
