I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
