If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
