What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
