now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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