can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize