U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
