I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm passing your future prison.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
