i think i have two assholes
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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