youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize