Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
All I want is dick and wine.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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