I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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