I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
