Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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