see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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