so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
