We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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