So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
