I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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