my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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