I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
