Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
