Screwed.edu
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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