Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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