Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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