doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
