I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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