dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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