if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
