Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
