I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize