when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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