Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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