Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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