If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
