never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
