How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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