You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
