you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
