i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
he fucked my hip out of place.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize