well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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