sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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