**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I need a burrito and a hug.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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