Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
