Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
