dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
